Caves of the heart- passion and heartache

Passion and heartache

1.

​​Dec, 6th, 2010

Inu

How are you doing ? Are you good?

Sorry for my long silence.

Today I send you a sad news that flamenco cantaor, Enrique Morente died at 67. I am grieved to hear that he died suddenly. It was a deep shock to me.

As far as I know, he was a flamenco cantaor in the true word. Morente was a Granada-born artist with flexibile mind and excellent sense. He was a rare flamenco cantaor open-minded toward the outside world comprehending not only the modern jazz & rock but also Hindu music beyond the limit of the Aandalusian cultural tradition. He was a truly flamenco musician inspiring freedom-minded souls in the world.

His death will not be in vain. His voice will remain in the memory of every flamenco lover. Whenever I heard him sing cante I thought it was always renewed. I feel so empty in the world where Morrente is no more. It will be a long time, if ever, before there is born a great flamenco artist like him,The news of his sudden death plunged me in the a swamp of sadness. I really need someone to share my sorrow with. So I write to you. I couldn't stand the double-faced mean colleugues in the flamenco community , so I hated myslf

as a member of it. getting more and more skeptical of my life as bailaora.

For what I dance?

Why should I keep mingling with the dancers who hate me against my will?

Am I a true bailaora?

Would my life be nothing if I don't dance?

These questions rose often one after another in my mind.

Since I passed my studio over to Mitui, a student of mine, I have kept away from the flamenco community. As you know she was the Japanese lyou met with me several ago when you visited me to talk about whether I could participate in Keychang Intenational Theatre Festival .Now that I quit the studio, the blackberry hill located not far from it was erased in my mind. which I often walked up to. Out of sight, out of mind! As a result I kept

myself indoors feeling alienated. I even practiced Zen meditation not to lose my composure.

It was when I was psychologically in such confusion that I got the surprising news ,How sad it was to see him no more! It was unbearable sorrow to me.

At that moment when I heard it, I was seized in spite of myself with an ardent desire for dancing again. I really wanted to dance in order to express 'deep song' of Andalusian flamenco . I would want to dance in order to cherish the memory of Morente. And also right now I would go out to Pioneer Square to dance calling him to mind.

Now I would like to open my closed mind and share the harmonized relationship with the collogues of the flamenco community by participating Juerga again. I will lose no time to begin step zapateado to recover my feeling of the flamenco rhythm.

I hope you are well as ever.

love

Helena

from Portalnd

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Dec, 8th ,​2010,

Hi, Elena

How glad to get your message breaking your long silence!

Most of all I am really happy that you began to dance again.

As for Morente, frankly speaking I had no chance to hear his voice. He was unfamiliar to me. Your email reminds me of him as cante.

I'd like to say once more it is great that you began to step to the guitar. It is a wonderful news!

Frankly speaking, at one time when I get a message from you that you would stop dance, it get me truly surprised . It was unimaginable to me that Elena would dance no more. How would she stop danceing!

As a sincere lover of your dance I am surprisedly happy to hear that you dance again. And I wonder how inspiring the voice of Morente to you. As far as cante , the voices of Caracol, Camaron and Marte Martin etc. would catch my ears. I wonder what powerful points does the voice of Morents attract your mind.

As for me, so far so good.

Take cake

Inu,

Dec. 10th

Helena!

One question to you!

You said that you began to dance. Then, now that you have no studio, how do you practice to step? Probably you cannot do it alone. and It may be absolutely necessary to have a place to do it and also a partner and guitarist to accompany you.

Love

Inu

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Dec. 13th

Dear Inu.

Now I am very busy for the new job. I am interested in It . As you know, I have to keep it for my living. For the present Working faithfully for it , I go to the community hall to step to rhythm with other dancers.

Tonight I am gonna to participate in the juerga which the community is ready to hold. And also this sunday I am going to go there to participate to a special farewell party for Mitui who will soon leave Portland. She has done meaningful things as japanese flamenco dancer for for the community . I am very sorry for her to be far away from me.

I am afraid that the juerga will get me feel not at home with the colleagues with whom I have had no contact for a few years . And provably I have to meet new comers there ..

Because I got stressed and hurt in the mind in relation with a few of my colleagues , It would be not easy for me to meet them there. But happily reminded of your constant trust of me, I will meet them there.

love

Helena

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Dec. 14th

Dear Inu,

Yesterday juerga was wonderful . Even expectedly cathartic. It was a rare experience which made me highly refreshed. Guitarist Luis from Spain led my attention to his rhythm. I could dance to his accompaniment with no feeling of uneasiness. His play was inspiring. I guess he probably judged how uncomfotable it was for me to dance there after such a long time. He lives in Ohio State with Stephan, his wife and a student of mine. He didn't seem to be happy in the living style of USA .

Be well and happy.

Abrazos

Helena

​Dec. 14th

Helena!

You got wonderfully inspired at the party! It's great. Please remember that you were a brilliant dancer on the stage. You have been a fascinating bailaora to me as ever.

As for me. I am ok with nothing bad. These days I usually spend everyday writing and reading as as my daily work.

love ,

Inu

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In 2007 ,much earlier than 2010 when Helena corresponded with Inu by email, he had flied to Portland to meet her. The two have shared their intimate relations ever since 2001, one as bailaora and the other as an ardent flamenco lover. It was the year of 2007 when he worked as a part-time translator during the summer for KiFT in the province of KirChang near to Daegu . The chief who happened to hear Inu explain about flamenco was very interested in the flamenco dance. So he had a good chance to have an exhibition flamenco show for them with a Korean flamenco dancer and a guitarist accompanying her. Then the exhibition show greatly amazed them. and it stirred him up to have a strong desire to have flamenco shows in the Festival there .

In the winter of the year he flied to Portland to meet Helena and discussed with her over whether or not she could fly to South Korea to dance in the Festival if they would invite her with her members . But owing to a couple of problems he disappointedly failed to realized the anticipated results in this relation.

however, he was excited to meet her in the cafe of Pioneer Square located at the downtown of Portland , which was familiar to him. Specially as lunch they had warm britos, Mexican food Inu liked . And she took him on her Sonata to her studio, where they spent several hours chatting about several private things interesting to her after ending his main subject in the relation with the purpose of his flying to Portland. They were, as it were, such as Bibimbab, one of delicious meals in Korean style she tasted , Mimi, a Korean tango dancer, whose house she slept in a few of nights, Sin Kim , a Korean flamenco dancer with whom she performed together on the stage and etc. She said that she had experienced a farfetched boxing on the ring with a result of writing an article about it for the boxing magine. During the free time of chatting Helena particularly asked him to sure say hello to Mimi in Masan, because Helena couldn't forget Mimi's favor that she had helped Helena to have a special time to lesson ladies interested in the flamenco dance while she stayed there.

What is more, she informed Inu that she would soon be going to pass her studio up to another dancer, one of her students and Japanese lady . When he heard her say it. he simply thought that she would probably have a better place for her new studio. And in appearance she looked proud of herself as a dancer. At the night party of the day Inu met among a large number of participants Juan, Helena's husband, Mitui, the Japanese dancer and Bob ,the guitarist who Inu was well aquainted with because he had flied to Masan together with Helena.

Then later with the lapse of time he began to think more strongly that she would not dance any more though he could not believe it. Moreover he came to understand what she had said then was a significant hint to him that she would quit flamenco she was getting more and more sick of, rather than move to anotherr place for her new studio. And of course did several questions occur in his mind.

What caused her to suffer such a conflict?

Did she spend the hard time for some time now with the problem in her mind?

Was there anything to give a big shock to her?

Possibly had she been afraid of flamenco as she was born not gypsy?

She said before that she would not have babies of her own in order to be absorbed in dancing!

Why she sick of dancing, who regarded dancing as the most meaningful in her life?

What happened to her?

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He had sensed her mind that she wanted to get rid of flamenco, when he read an email of hers saying that she got a job for a big mart in order to forget herself as a dancer. Another email had such a hint. And no more emails from her! At any rate it was shocking to Inu that she would give up dancing. As far as flamenco dancer, he believed, nobody beat Helena. So he was sad to know that she lost confidence in herself as a dancer. It was true that he loved her dancing very much and greatly proud of her shows in Masan, his hometown.