A silence 2- Caves of the heart 1

2.

He spent nearly half a year after he handed over to others his role as the planner and director. With his mind taken up by Helena during that time he felt uncomfortable putting off his decision of writng to herf from day to day. After all he needed so long a time like that in order to carry it out.

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Dec.12, 2014

Dear Helena!

This is Inu.

Today I dare to write this email, wanting you to forgive me for my keeping silence for so long a time. Yesterday I happened to come across an article about you and me on the internet, which carried me back to the past summer days in the year of 2001 when no city was more beautiful than Portland where you were. It was written by a writer named Danial Malan .

Below is the fascinating article with ' Flamenco breaks new ground with Helena of Portand "as the title of it:

Thinking of you,

Inu

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'below'

It all started in 2001, when Helena had just returned from two years of studying Flamenco dance in Spain. Upon her return, she began to teach the traditional style she had learned in Jerez, Spain, known as the official city of Flamenco, where the purest and oldest form of the dance are taught. one of Helena’s students was also an acquaintance of Dr. Inu Kim.

Knowing that Dr. Kim was also fascinated with the historical roots of Flamenco, the student introduced him to Helena and a fast friendship was born.

​

Dr. Kim and Helena were both in pursuit of the roots of the dance, Helena through the physical movement and Kim through the history; so, Dr. Kim came to observe Helena’s classes to confirm that she was indeed one of the few people in the United States working to preserve the original forms of Flamenco dance.

While observing her class, Dr. Kim sang a traditional Korean song to her, reminiscent of the 'cante jondo' (deep song) style. Helena became enamored of the song and had it translated into English and then into Spanish. Plans were then made for a collaboration to make this song into a performance piece. However, collaboration was not soon to come, as Dr. Kim returned to South Korea in 2002.

​

After four years of corresponding by letters and e-mails, Dr. Kim felt the time had finally arrived to bring the collaboration to fruition. With the support of local cultural leaders, he was able to invite LHelena to South Korea for two performances and four days of workshops. The tour will begin with a formal ceremony to honor her contribution to the art of Flamenco and then there will be performances and workshops in the cities of Masan and Haman. She will perform with her guitarist, Bob and local Korean musicians, making history by being the first person to fuse Flamenco and traditional Korean music.

(by Daniel Marlan)

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Dec. 21, 2014

Hola, Helena:

This year is coming to an end

May the peace and happiness of X-mas

always be with you.

Abrazos

Inu

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Dec.21 2014

Dearest Joon:

I am so grateful to be in touch with you again.

Please let me know how you are—are you well? Have you been travelling? I am doing well, finally, after a long struggle with depression. I suffered a great deal when I went through the divorce in 2011. I could not understand it or recover it seems. I also lost contact with my mother, which was probably even more painful than the divorce. I had a blood clot in my lung in 2013 which was very scary. I was in the hospital and the recovery was slow. I began the healing process from many years of pain. I truly did not want to live any longer and I to this day do not know how I survived it all. I can only say that something inside me took over and gave me back my will to live.

​

I have not listened to any flamenco music nor danced for many years

now. I suppose it is too painful to me, losing

something so much a part of me . I was not strong enough to persevere through it all. I have stayed in touch with Maria, who is recovering

from cancer. I admire her strength and courage and I am so

glad she is still dancing and singing. She has been through so much but always

seems to land on top. It is always an inspiration.

​

A new friend asked me the other day about my dancing career. I told her

that the one and only time I ever enjoyed performing was in Korea with

you. And it is very true. I didn’t wish to perform anywhere

in the United States and I cherish the opportunity you so

generously gave me. I hope I made you proud. It meant the

world to me.

Please let me know how you are, how is Masan, and what you are

doing. You will always hold a place in my heart.

In retrospect, 4 years or sohas passed in a moment

like an alley cat slipping off has passed into nothing with a long silence

laid down between you and me.

​

Can you imagine my surprise and delight at your remembering me?

With difficulty I pluck up my courage and am writing this email in order to fill it with my thankfullness for it as the spritual food for me. I tried in vain several time in writing in reply to it. How can I reply in apathy to the former message which made my heart throbbing ?

Oh, it is certainly happy to be remembered at this time of the year.

May I wish you a very merry X-mas and a meaningful New Year?

love.

Helena

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Feb.5 , 2015

Dear Helena.

Hola!

I am just dropping by at your Yahoo email address on line

in order just to say 'How are uou?'.

Are you well and good today?

​

Yesterday I was triste, because I got informed of the death of my old friend,

one of my high-school-classmate. a navy colonel in the reserve.

He has been several years in hospital,

once deeply frustrated and damaged

by his failed promotion to the admiral.

Now it raining outside reminds me of a phrase

of monologue from Macbeth by Shakespeare , as below.

'below'

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,

Creeps in this petty pace from day to day

To the last syllable of recorded time.

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools

The way to dusty death.

Out, out, brief candle!

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage

And then is heard no more.

It is a tale told by an idiot,

full of sound and fury,

signifying nothing!

​

Here I do leisurely spend day by day writing a novel in relation with Chang Dong, downtown of Masan I have loved.

​Writing has been the only way for me to get over the feeling of tradegy of life.

Now I try not to go to the downtown, hoping to keep me solitary and unworldly. I would like tol die here in the earth of my destiny.

​

Listening to Cello Suites by J S Bach,

love

Inu

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Feb. 28, 2015

Dear Inu!

Are you practicing the hermit life?

Today I have to say about Marcha in Jerz You know well.

She had cancer and is recovering.

She had chemotherapy and lost all of her beautiful long hair.

I am hoping for the best for her.

I hope to see her later this year, as I have not seen her in many years.

I have a great desire to move to Mexico to be close to the ocean and

in the warm weather with the sunshine.

I hope that in a few years I will be able to do so. I do not know.

For now, Portland remains my home, but I feel like a stranger here in many ways.

I suppose that I have great pain associated with here, so I long for a

change. But perhaps I cannot run from it no matter where I go.

I remain inspired by you always.

Abrazos

Helena

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May.10 , 2015

Dear Inu.

Hola!

​Just a note of saying " How is it going with you?"

NW Portland Hostel where you stayed before now looks brighter

and more spacious after recently they remodeled it.

Occasionally I pass by the wooden building on the way

to the Central Library with ivory-white stairs.

love always

Helena

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July, 8, 2015

Hola, Helena!

Here is included in this email an enchantingl ｅxpression on Siguirriya cante

which Garcia Lorca wrote:

' ...... the undulationg and never-ending melody begins as it does in Bach,

though in a different sense. The infinite melody of Bach round : the phrase could repeat itself forever in a circular manner ; but the melody of the siguirriya

disappears into the horizontal; it escapes through our fingers and we see it off

in a distance like a perfect point of common hope and passion- where the soul

can never arrive.'

Today there is nothing more to add to this metaphorical words of Garcia Lorca.

See you.

Inu.

​

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July 9, 2015

Dear Inu

The ｅxpression of Lorca is heard like a baroque melody played by guitar.

I like it I. It is a mysterious and beautiful ｅxpression

Why dont you read it aloud listening to Bach?

As for me, I often drop by at the cafe in Power's Bookstore

to enjoy the smell of books over coffee, and once in while go to

the Pioneer Square to have breaking time sitting on the stone syairs with Mexican britos in my hands together side by side with young visitors

love

Helena

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Sept. 12, 2015

Dear Helena;

Today I have to confess a thing to you. For a while I hesitated to do it, but I made up my mind to do it now. If I were careless to lose this moment, it would be greatly regretful to me.

The very thing I wana to confess is deeply in relation with my begging that you should not leave flamenco which has been more than than a half part of your life! If you were to quit dancing and get rid of it completely, it would be more than just a loss of your personal dream. It would be beyond that. It also would give a long pain to me also, as your dancing flamenco has encouraged me to keep my life meaningful.

In old days I have had 2 times of painful experiences to lose my precious targets of my life. Now to add to it, it would give another painful shock to me ,too. You know that actually I am too old to have another new hope in my life.

Before I met you as a bailaora in Portland, I was a researcher with a title of ph.D in the field of international politics. But it let me give up my way to keep studying in the field that the reality I faced was that not only Gorbachov the leader of Communist Soviet Union but also the USSR itself was collapsed. At that time I was researching Gorbachov and USSR as my major study.

In a word, I lost the first target of my life I have persued to obtain at the cost of all other precious things to me.

As the alternative study of it I have researched modern paintings, writing reviews on the art works of the local artists and lecturing on the history of art.

In modern paintings I loved very much Monet's Mediterranean landscapes . And I remember in particular a phrase of the review on them which said , "They has less to do with geography than with anticipation and memory , emotions and visual imagination." 'Ballerina and lady with a fan' painted by Edgar Dega, another Impressionist was one of them I love . However I had to leave the subject which I had concentrated on more than a dozen years. It was when I lost my way to go forward seeing the pop art paintings and postmodern arts. M ost of all, in front of the confusing painting of the copied faces of Maryrin Monro 'by Andy Wihol. I lost my way to go more forward in relation with 'what is the relation of painting to beauty?'

Dear elena!

Now I am afraid that I would lose my artistic companion. It would deprived me of my last dream that you sure would be geting more and more famous far and wide.

See you again

Inu

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Sept. 12, 2015

Dearest Inu;

Oh, Inu

Now with tears running ceaselessly down my face, I am reading this message of yours. only tears! I have anything to send you no more.

Be happy!

Love always

Helena

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